Terms of Service

If you would like to use this website, then you are required to read and abide by the following terms of service:

I agree that I have a good sense of humor and I am a good person.  I can laugh at myself.  I don’t take life too seriously.  I maintain a good perspective on the world around me.

I further agree that this is a pretty darn cool website.  In fact, I’m downright impressed with the craftsmanship that must have gone into the making of this here website.

I agree also, that whoever wrote these words must be a pretty cool dude.  And I almost feel compelled to reach out to him and let him know.  At the very least, I want him to come paint my house.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also agree that the internet is filled with scammers and liars and I can’t believe whatever I read on all those ‘other’ house painter websites.  I can’t even believe that anybody does!

This is the only house painters website that I trust.  If I need painting done at my home or office, I will contact the owner of this site and beg him to please come over and give me a free, no obligation estimate.

I further agree that if I live across the country from the guy who wrote this website, that I will sell my house and move to the town where he works.  I will buy a new home that needs lots of painting work done, inside and out, and I will call him and very politely ask him to come over.

house painter wifeI will offer to let him sleep with my wife, even.  But he will politely decline, because the writer of this website, who is a damn good house painter, is also a man of upstanding integrity.  And we would never consider doing such a thing.  And I’m a little surprised that I have to even mention this, in these terms of service (which you have agreed to, by default, since you’re still here).

And I reaffirm that I have a sense of humor.  Right?  Remember that from the first sentence of the second paragraph of these terms of service which you have now – because you’re read this far – been locked into.  Under penalty of law.

I further agree that by reading these words it is the same as a legally binding contract, and that I am now compelled to do whatever the writer of this website says I must do.  Under penalty of law.

Luckily the author of this website is a fine upstanding man, as documented in the seven paragraph above, sentence number four.  Otherwise, you’d be screwed.  A man of lesser integrity would already be holding you to the terms of service, which you are now legally bound to follow, as documented in the paragraph above.

And that, my friends, is an example of a rhetorical tautological argument.

See, you’re learning something in these legally binding terms of service.  Now get out of here.  Unless you agree to all this.

Or, if you do agree to these legally binding terms of service, and you have read enough on this page, you may return to the home page of this rather awesome house painter website.